It's another year and it's time to once again feel blue. I always get like this during the holiday season. Thanksgiving reminds me that I have to feel thankful for...well, for something. I know I have things in my life to be thankful for, but right now I can't seem to remember any of them. I just know that I'm supposed to be thankful.
Christmas brings all of the religious overtones and all of the secular commercialization. There's so much pressure to be "perfectly jolly" during Christmas time. While I may enjoy being in the spirit of the holidays, I always feel the stress of not being jolly enough for everyone else. There are certain aspects of Christmas that ARE fun and exciting, but I can easily bring myself down and get blue.
For most people, New Years is a time to celebrate not only a new calendar year, but a new year full of promise and a fresh start. A way to wipe the slate clean and begin all over. New Years is meant to help you leave the past behind and look forward to the future. I wish it was that easy.
The past year-and-a-half have been nothing but stressful. To find out that your child - only twenty-two at the time - has cancer is so heart-breaking and frightening. It's a wonder I haven't been even more depressed than usual. (Thank God for alcohol!)
So, it's hard to celebrate the future when everything around you is topsy-turvy. We weathered the storm of our daughter's cancer and we're fortunate (I no longer use the word "blessed") that her cancer was found early, and it was treatable. But the end of 2016 and the first six months of 2017 were gut-wrenching. I'm not sure I have begun to feel normal again. Whatever the heck "normal" is supposed to feel like?
Maybe it's why interacting with others, even those quick, casual greetings at the grocery store, have become such as burden. Not everyone knows our circumstances and even those who do still are never sure what to say. Cancer is like that. You never know what is the right thing to say. Now include a diagnosis in a young person (your own child!) and it makes every conversation a mine field with a possible verbal misstep leading to an "explosion."
Just the other day - two days before New Years - I had an interaction with the neighbor across the street. Unfortunately, he's a bit of an asshole and our crossing was not a smooth one. I'm not sure he knows (or cares) what we've been through with our daughter. Or, for that matter, what I continue to face every day. But his overall attitude just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe I'm still sensitive to all of last year's highs and lows. He can't possibly understand what we've been through (and continue to go through). But sometimes I think that people are just jerks, regardless of the circumstances, and I let them get under my skin. Assholes!
Remember, have a Happy Blue Year!
Christmas brings all of the religious overtones and all of the secular commercialization. There's so much pressure to be "perfectly jolly" during Christmas time. While I may enjoy being in the spirit of the holidays, I always feel the stress of not being jolly enough for everyone else. There are certain aspects of Christmas that ARE fun and exciting, but I can easily bring myself down and get blue.
For most people, New Years is a time to celebrate not only a new calendar year, but a new year full of promise and a fresh start. A way to wipe the slate clean and begin all over. New Years is meant to help you leave the past behind and look forward to the future. I wish it was that easy.
The past year-and-a-half have been nothing but stressful. To find out that your child - only twenty-two at the time - has cancer is so heart-breaking and frightening. It's a wonder I haven't been even more depressed than usual. (Thank God for alcohol!)
So, it's hard to celebrate the future when everything around you is topsy-turvy. We weathered the storm of our daughter's cancer and we're fortunate (I no longer use the word "blessed") that her cancer was found early, and it was treatable. But the end of 2016 and the first six months of 2017 were gut-wrenching. I'm not sure I have begun to feel normal again. Whatever the heck "normal" is supposed to feel like?
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| Have a Happy Blue Year! |
Just the other day - two days before New Years - I had an interaction with the neighbor across the street. Unfortunately, he's a bit of an asshole and our crossing was not a smooth one. I'm not sure he knows (or cares) what we've been through with our daughter. Or, for that matter, what I continue to face every day. But his overall attitude just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe I'm still sensitive to all of last year's highs and lows. He can't possibly understand what we've been through (and continue to go through). But sometimes I think that people are just jerks, regardless of the circumstances, and I let them get under my skin. Assholes!
Remember, have a Happy Blue Year!
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