Driving "Miss Daisy"

Stop staring at me!

(July 2010)  I began this summer's blogs talking about teaching my sixteen-year-old daughter how to drive.  I ended the earlier blog with Wish me luck.  I definitely have needed it.  This process has been a learning experience for both my daughter and me.  And, yes, I have to admit that it has been an "experience" to say the least.  To better understand what we're up against, I have to relate an anecdote my daughter relayed to me to help me understand her fear of driving.  She definitely does not want to drive.  In fact, many of her friends do not want to drive, either.  It's very strange.

When she was ten or eleven, we decided to ride our bikes to a nearby park.  It was early summer and a pretty pleasant day.  My son and I made sure we packed several items for our "bike trip" as we called it, and I made certain that all sets of tires were pumped and ready to go.  My daughter, who initially was excited about our adventure, kept hemming and hawing about not having enough sun screen on her legs, or she couldn't find the right visor to wear once we got there, or some other excuse.  Finally, we began our trek (of less than one mile).  There was not much traffic, so my son and I raced along the street that led to the park.  It's a wide boulevard with plenty of room for cars, bikes, and pedestrians.  My daughter, however, continued to lag far behind.  I realized that she might be a little winded, but I couldn't understand why she was moving so slowly.  So, at some point I circled back to make sure she was okay, and I rode along with her for the remainder of our short trip.  (I did the same thing on the return ride to our house.)

It wasn't until this year (2010) that she admitted to me that she was not peddling slowly but "riding her brakes" the entire distance from our house to the park.  When I asked her why, she explained that she has always had a fear of being "out-of-control" and has never ridden her bike without her right hand somewhat squeezing the rear brake lever.  While this doesn't come as much of a surprise to me - my daughter have never been a "jump head first" personality type - I reminded her that she's the one who loves roller coasters and other fast rides at fairs and amusement parks.  I'm the one who gets queasy on most rides and refuses to ride anything that turns me upside down.  Therefore, if she loves fast rides, in which she has no control, wouldn't operating a car be better?  With driving, my thinking went, you have control over the vehicle.  This rationale fell on deaf ears and was the basis of many arguments as we continued to find my daughter's comfort zone while she learned to drive.


Not being 100% in-contol became an underlying theme as she grudgingly practiced in empty parking lots and lightly-traveled neighborhood streets.  Throughout the relentless summer heat, my daughter began to develop some confidence in her driving abilities.  When school began in late August, however, she reverted back to her passive-aggressive refusal to drive to school - even with my wife in the seat next to her!

* * *

(May 2012)  My, oh, my how things have changed in two years!  In 2011, my daughter began driving herself (and my son) to school every day.  (There are a few stories he could tell about those experiences.)  In early 2012, my son got his driver's license and began alternating driving to/from school with my daughter.  (Also the source of some more interesting stories.)

Our "car experiences" have come full circle from the days of two young children always riding in the backseat or a car, van, or SUV.  In some ways, I actually miss those days.  Those were the days when my wife and I were in-control.  Now, we have ceded most of that to our children, along with the trust that they will be smart and mindful drivers.